Today…
I swear…
I caught a Glimpse…
A spilt second…
At an American Girl Doll Tea Party…
With my girls…
Where Isabel…
Now 3, was fully grown
Her body aligning like a Solar Eclipse…
to reveal…
Her much older self
Wait, What?
Yes, an Isabel, fully aware and able to
Comprehend and appreciate
Anything you would say…
Just for a moment.
And…I wondered…
What would I say to her?
Hmm…
In that second…
I raced to meet her
Sprinting…
Tearing…
Gabbing…
Words, Images…
Buckets of feelings…
Whatever I could carry…
Off the shelves…
Of my moments with her…
But when our eyes met…
I realized…
She was gone…
“Papa, you sit”
“Papa, drink tea?”
“Hmmm. Yummy!”
And there my friend
"Lies the Rub"
For In that moment..
I realized...
There's a part of me
That sits at a kind of train station..
Waiting.... for Isabel
Waiting for the day
She’ll arrive
Ready to hop on…
That train of awareness
Where in a sense we would
Both be the same age...
Fully aware and present
And I could express
To her all that I feel
In such a way
She could
Fully receive it ...
Today….However
There are no trains
No timetables
Just....
Waiting....
longing...
And wondering…
When she does arrive...
Will she find me gone?
Like a scene played out from
Romeo and Juliet?
(Cue: dramatic music, slow motion
Heart-breaking video)
Or…
Will it play out like the opening
Scene from "Love Actually”?
Where people are experiencing
Heart-melting moments
as their loved ones
Arrive and depart an airport
(Cue: Uplifting music, and slow motion embraces, with accompanying tears)
In reality how many
such moments will
I get to experience with her?
When is it likely…
From infant, to teenager, to young adult, to adult…
That the “stars” will align
And the giving and receiving
Will be a perfect
Match?
One things for sure…
The huge ominous clock
in that train station...
Is...
Counting down my days…
Reminding me…
That when she’s 35…
I will be 93…
I will (if I ever reach that age)
Be potentially…
Staggering….
Slurring my speech, (like a drunk man)
Crawling at a snails pace…
Fumbling…to stitch together…
Whatever decayed memories I have left.
Like an unknown shadow
On a chest X-ray…
It
haunts
me…
(Cue: Over dramatic music. Fade to black)
Until then….
I have work to do
In the present….
So….
I wrap all that I grabbed
In that split second…
Her first steps…
Her…Infectious laughter…
(that seems to light up and disarm the world)
Her gorgeous personality…
Her, almost nightly … “Me. Dress. Me Dance Party”
Her tears so heart-felt, And so heart-melting…
Her favorite..Sun Bear
The Myriad of memories
And I give them to her…
As a hug
I hoped
Her Body would remember.
And a I wish….
That just maybe…
When she’s 35…
And I’m 93…
And we’re sitting across…
From each other…
At an American Girl Doll Tea Party
With her kids…
She’ll look at me…
And In that split second…
She might remember a glimpse of me….
When I was…56
And that hug
I hoped her body
would remember…
Might remind her
Of all that I expressed
When I caught
A glimpse
Of her….
Today